


Second chance

by Asirta



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Aziraphale and Crowley Met Before The Fall (Good Omens), Caring Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley Was Raphael Before Falling (Good Omens), Crowley Whump (Good Omens), Fallen Angels, Hurt Crowley (Good Omens), Love Confessions, M/M, Memory Loss, Pre-Fall (Good Omens), Protective Aziraphale (Good Omens), Protective Crowley (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 08:55:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20654543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asirta/pseuds/Asirta
Summary: The archangel Raphael and the angel Aziraphale met long time ago, before Earth was even created.Raphael made a promise, and Crowley tried his best to keep it. Even when there was nobody left to remember.





	1. Those were the days of our lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The archangel Raphael and the angel Aziraphale met long time ago, before Earth was even created.   
Raphael made a promise, and Crowley tried his best to keep it. Even when there was nobody left to remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the mistakes since English is not my native language.   
I hope you enjoy it!

In the beginning, when time didn’t exist yet as we know it, angels dwelled in Heaven, and they had been created perfect and full of gifts, and none of them did not know no evil or sin. Their existence was placid and they performed their tasks in harmony, most of them without considering the reason. Except one of them.

His name was Raphael. He had been in charge of creating the new stars in a still expanding universe. He used to fly through the void with his golden wings, full of iridescent reflections. He shaped new creations with his hands and his breath, illuminating the darkness with colours that could not be described in any human language. He was chosen because of his imagination and curiosity, but these same qualities raised questions and doubts in his mind to which he tried to answer with all his energies. When he wasn’t busy wandering across the universe and building new spheres and forms, he liked to sit alone in some corner of the heavenly gardens, and think.

He liked to think about the life that would arise in the new systems he created. He used to think about his own existence and that of the rest of the angels. He often wondered what the Almighty's plans were, and why the Almighty had decided to create all of them. He wondered, even, what would have happened before, at the beginning of everything, if there really was a beginning. Sometimes, almost afraid of himself, he even wondered if the Almighty would also have had a beginning, an origin.

Sometimes he dared to share some of his questions with other angels, but usually most of them did not seem so interested in considering the origin of things. There were a few of them who did, too, but he didn't feel really comfortable with them. There was too much pride in their comments, too much ambition in their observations, and he was not proud or ambitious. He was just curious, and he enjoyed too much asking questions. But he used to be a loner, and reserved his most inquiring doubts for himself.

*************************

Although angels were created as perfect beings, and they performed their tasks in harmony, some of them used to be more harmonious than others. The angel known as Aziraphale had many qualities and the kindest heart, but he was very shy and not too graceful, and had a strong habit to daydream. Other angels didn't usually take him too seriously, or they looked at him with perplexity. Some wondered if he would really be competent fulfilling the tasks assigned to him, since he often used to be distracted in his own thoughts or behave in ways that others found embarrassing. Actually, he was perfectly competent, but he often had a tendency to get bored or to feel uncomfortable, as if something didn't quite fit him.

Aziraphale didn't dislike his life -he would never have said such a thing- but he often felt out of place. As if he were predestined for something different, something that did not yet exist and that he still could not understand.

But he would never have dared to say it out loud.

***************************

Aziraphale didn’t know how to call that emotion, because nobody in Heaven had felt this way so far, but he was feeling particularly upset. His last missions had not gone too well, causing some reprimands from his superiors –and Gabriel, well, his words could be significantly hurtful when he tried-. Rumours spread fast when there was not much to do, and Aziraphale’s last mistakes had become a recurring topic among the idlest angels.

He had tried to find a quiet place so he wouldn't have to think about it for a while. He was sitting in one of the most remote corners of the vast garden, and yet a group of cheeky angels had just passed by him, murmuring, giggling and pointing at him as they walked away.

Aziraphale sighed and shook his head sadly.

-Ignore them –said a voice behind him-. They’re just a bunch of airheads with too much free time.

The angel jumped up and turned away to see who was talking. The other angel behind him had magnificent wings of an iridescent gold; he was tall and slim, with beautiful auburn hair and eyes of a rare and unique amber colour. Aziraphale noticed with surprise that he was wearing a black and golden robe, very different from the usual light colours that most angels used to wear. He looked like someone important, enough important to not to give a damn about the dress code, but he had a friendly smile when he approached and sat beside Aziraphale, without feeling the need to ask for permission.

-You seem like you’re having a hard day –he said.

-Well… I'm not at my best, really –replied Aziraphale with a sad smile-. But sooner or later, they will find something else to talk about and they will leave me alone, I hope. Thank you for not making fun of this.

-No need to thank. They shouldn't do that. Anyway, I've been out there for quite long, so I have no idea what happened or what you did. I don’t even know who you are –he winked-. Your reputation is completely safe with me.

-Oh, thank you. Very kind. My name is Aziraphale, by the way. And yours…?

He hesitated for a moment before answering.

-…Raphael.

-Oh, my… Oh! Oh, sorry… -the other angel was looking at him all wide-eyed-. I’m so sorry I didn’t recognise you… You’re _the_ famous Raphael! Such a great honour! The archangel, the healer, the star maker! I've heard so many things about you!

-It seems like the usual hobby here, to gossip about others –replied Raphael, and this time there was something slightly bitter in his smile.

He had noticed the change in his partner’s attitude. Aziraphale was looking at him with a mixture of admiration and fearful respect, almost ashamed to have spoken to him with such familiarity. Raphael had already seen that attitude on many occasions, and it was an annoying problem when he wanted to start a conversation. He sighed, looking away at the garden that surrounded them.

-Sorry. I didn’t mean to bother you –said Aziraphale, after a while.

-You didn’t. It's just that… It’s not my thing. All that hierarchy stuff, and everybody always comparing who does what, and all that nonsense. It really annoys me.

-Well… that's how it works. I mean, somehow you have to maintain good order, right?

-I don't know if it's the best measure. I mean, this is not only because I’m not too comfortable with the idea of ones ruling over others and being considered better than them. I don't even know if it's the most effective system, actually. Think about it. So many charges, so many positions, so many responsibilities that are delegated from one to another… how can you be sure that the message is delivered and received properly?

Aziraphale gave him an astonished look.

-But ... but you are questioning all our sacred structures! –he exclaimed in horror.

-I know, I know. It's not that I have a better solution or anything like that. The truth is that I have no idea if all this could be done differently or not. But I just think... would it be possible?

-I must admit that what you said about the message, and how it can be misunderstood or incorrectly delivered, well ... I understand your point –said Aziraphale, now surprised at his own boldness-. But you are saying terrible things. We are nothing to question the Almighty's plans that are beyond our understanding.

-Of course –Raphael answered calmly-. But I don't think it's so bad to ask questions, isn’t it? If the Almighty gave us this ability, it must be because there is nothing wrong with it. Free will, and all that…

-I had never considered it before –the angel now had a thoughtful look on his face-. I could not say that I agree with you, but I must concede that it is an interesting debate.

The archangel offered him a sympathetic smile, and his amber eyes lit up with a playful glow.

-Be careful –he said-. Once you start, you can’t stop.

***************************

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of lonely thoughts, Raphael has found someone to express his ideas with, someone who was always willing to listen and to answer, who was not afraid to clearly say if he agreed with him or not. Although Aziraphale was much more cautious in his opinions than he was, they both possessed the same limitless curiosity.

On the other hand, Aziraphale had found someone who really enjoyed and appreciated his company, that joked with him but never mocked, and that always found his ideas interesting. Since the moment they met, Raphael has known that his new friend, although naïve, was very intelligent and had a passion for learning and discovering new things.

In a place where everyone lived only for fulfilling duties without a question, finding someone different felt like a breath of fresh air.

The heavenly corner of the garden where they met for the first time was their favourite place to go. They always sat in the same place, and talked and discussed and laughed for a long time. Raphael had spent a lot of time there alone, and now he was pleased to share it with someone. However, he also liked to show Aziraphale the distant stars that he had created himself. His friend’s pale blue eyes used to shine with excitement as he tried to record in his memory the wonders that the archangel showed him. And his smile widened every time that Raphael, pointing to one of the stars, asked: "Help me. What name do you think we should give to this one?"

In addition to enjoying each other's company, their mutual friendship began to bring them other benefits. Raphael had always had the habit of staying isolated since he realised that his questions were not usually welcome, but now, encouraged by Aziraphale’s cheerful spirit, he spent more time with other angels and, although he didn't have so much to talk about with them, he was learning to also enjoy their companies. Besides, Aziraphale was becoming more self-confident and losing his shyness, and if someone dared to question his abilities, he always had a quick reply and a gracious white smile to give.

Their mutual friendship was growing more and more, and their conversations were giving way to deeper displays of affection. Neither of them knew exactly how to name or describe the emotions that they were experiencing together, because it was the first time something like this happened since the beginning of times, but they didn't seem to need any word for it. They loved and cared for each other, and that was enough. Those times were bright and full of promises.

But, like all good things that exist, they had to come to an end.

***************************

Aziraphale had always known that Raphael’s tendency to question everything could lead to risky conclusions, but had never considered that he was doing something harmful. After all, he was not an agitator: he did not seek to challenge the plans of the universe; he just wanted to understand them.

He knew that other angels, as their power grew as well as their awareness of their own splendour, were becoming full of pride, and restless rumours had started to spread like a plague, even though none of them had yet known what a plague was. It was said that one of them, Lucifer, the brightest and most beautiful of all the angels, had begun to make dangerous comparisons. Over time, stories of a secret rebellion began to circulate through Heaven.

-I’ve recently heard that some angels are planning to rise against the Almighty –Aziraphale had whispered to his friend once-. They say they want to be equal to Them.

-I know –Raphael replied-. I’ve met some of them. We even agreed at some points, but they are blinded by greed, I’m afraid. Such a pity. Anyway, well... maybe it's time for other voices to be heard. We have never been left much room here to express our opinions.

-How can you say that? –said his friend, horrified-. We are talking about sedition! This is dangerous, Raphael, this is more than a simple conversation. I… I’m scared for you. If something happened to you, I think I couldn't bear it. I can’t lose you.

Raphael had stared at him with a strange look. He seemed moved by his friend’s words, but something else was gleaming in the deep of his amber eyes, a nameless longing that burned from within.

-Don’t worry, Aziraphale –he finally said-. I’m not planning to join any rebellion. My place is here, by your side. You will never lose me.

-Promise me -the angel took his hand, a distressed expression in his face.

-I promise.

***************************

However, there are promises that simply cannot be kept. The rebellion shook Heaven like an open wound, and all those who participated were severely punished. Lucifer, the Morning Star, fell from the sky and his name and that of his followers were banned for all eternity. Michael, holding a flaming sword, led them to the highest peak of the whole Heavenly kingdom, and threw them from there one by one.

But that wasn’t over. When all the rebels were expelled and fallen, Michael and her legions were commanded to search and find any angel that would have had something to do with the traitors. And among the names on the list, there was an archangel whose questions had propagated doubt among the most faithful; someone who, instead of openly rejecting the rebellion, had seen it as a potential way for the voices of others to be heard.

And even though his only crime had been asking too many questions, stories about him spread in every corner of Heaven, and Raphael became seen as one of the main instigators of the rebellion. Finally, the order came from above and his fate was decided.

-Find him –Michael has said to her angels.

And they crossed the skies, searching for the last of the traitors.

***************************

It was the last time they met in the garden. Aziraphale had heard someone calling his name, and he turned around to see his friend running towards him, anguish drawn in the archangel’s eyes.

-I’m sorry –he said, holding his partner’s face between his hands-. I’m so sorry… I’ve failed you.

Tears ran down Aziraphale’s cheeks when he understood what was happening.

-You promised me…

-I know. Please, forgive me. I’ve failed, but I never lied to you. You have my word. I never took part in this; I never joined them. I only asked questions…

The angel nodded, struggling against the lump on his throat. Raphael leaned against his friend until their foreheads touched. Aziraphale was trembling slightly and could feel his own tears burning on his face.

-What happens now? –he finally asked.

-They’re coming for me –Raphael said-. But I couldn't leave without saying goodbye.

-I can’t lose you…

-You will never lose me. I told you. Whatever happens, I will always remember you. I will always be on your side. I will do whatever it takes to get back to you.

Raphael’s hands stroke the angel’s cheeks, gently wiping away his tears.

-Now you’re being a liar –Aziraphale said. He was trying to offer him a smile, but nothing could erase the sadness from his face.

In response, Raphael pressed his lips against Aziraphale’s, who remained in shock for a moment before wrapping his arms around the archangel’s slender waist. They had never done anything similar before, but it was the only way to express what they were feeling in that moment. Especially when there was no time left for words. Raphael broke the kiss shortly after, staring at the angel for the last time. The sorrow in those glassy blue eyes was stabbing his chest like a knife.

-Please –he asked-. Please, remember me.

-I will never forget you –Aziraphale cried-. I promise.

The archangel turned and walked away with long strides, before anyone could see them together. His silhouette quickly disappeared into the frondescence of the garden.

In the distance, Aziraphale heard hard voices shouting the archangel’s name and commanding him to stop. There was a rapid exchange of words, a flash of light, and then nothing.

They had him.

Nothing disturbed now the peace of the garden, except the broken sobs of an angel.

***************************

During his long existence, Crowley has indulged himself many times with the privilege of forgetting certain things.

For example, he did his best to forget the 14th century. That whole century had been a real pain in the ass for him. He had also forgotten many faces, many people who had crossed his path without leaving any important imprint on him. Sometimes, he had even forgotten the risks of some of his less accurate decisions, which had led him to repeat his own mistakes on certain occasions. But he didn't care. Forgetting was one of the greatest pleasures that his long life could offer to him. The ability to forget was as important to him as the ability to remember.

However, despite his expert training, there were two things that Crowley could never forget, no matter how hard he tried.

The first one was Aziraphale. Not only him in general terms; Crowley could ever precisely recall every time he had made his friend laugh, every toast together, and every word -kind or hard- that the angel had said about their relationship.

The second one was the Fall.

He had never talked about it with anyone. For a long time he thought that, if he buried that episode of his life in the most absolute silence, maybe he could forget it at some point. But he never did. Every time those memories came to his mind, they were as vivid as if he was experiencing them again.

He could perfectly remember the faces that were watching him, at the very edge of the abyss, while a flaming sword rose above him. He barely had dared to look at the tearful blue eyes of an angel who observed him between the crowd, with silent sobs shaking his shoulders. In his memories, that look would be even more painful for him than the moment the sword descended over his wings.

He had screamed in agony for the first time, but wouldn’t be the last. He was still contemplating his own severed wings, laying on the ground, when two pairs of strong arms forced him to get on his feet again. The archangel Michael was still reading his sentence, but the pain was so excruciating that he could no longer understand her words.

Then, the sword had pierced his chest. It was not a mortal wound, but the sacred blade caused his body to burn in new waves of pain, while draining every drop of his divine essence. Then, Michael finally removed the blade from his body, violently pushing him back, into the edge of the abyss. With a last gasp, the archangel once known as Raphael fell into the void, and disappeared forever.

Crowley would have liked to say that that was the worst part, but, unfortunately, it wasn’t. He could never describe the torment he felt later, as he fell and fell endlessly into the heart of darkness. His entire body was shaking as if it was going to break into pieces, while the abyss pulled him into a vertiginous fall, turning, spinning, and tearing his throat in screams that nobody could hear. The only moments of relief were the brief instants in which he lost consciousness, before waking up again with sharp strings of pain piercing his head and his body.

The fall lasted so long that he thought he was going crazy. At the end, he could only beg for the mercy of death. Finally, there was a splash and a heavy impact, and fell into a boiling liquid which burned his skin and entered on his lungs, and he felt his own body dissolving, but his mind was still there, and the agony never seemed to end. After that moment, Crowley was no longer sure what happened, but he remembered that he was still alive and half-conscious, somewhere in that boiling darkness.

The dark surface was calm and still again when something finally emerged from it. A long black snake slid slowly to the shore, and curled over itself with a hiss.

***************************

Somewhere in his memory, there were certain words that Crowley would never forget, although he was not able to know who was speaking:

_Now you shall crawl between the worlds and spheres, and spread temptation with your sibilant tongue. _

And that he did.

For a long time he was trapped in his new snake form, until he managed to gather enough energy to turn back to his original shape. However, something in him had changed forever.

In general, his appearance was almost the same, although his already slender silhouette was now thinner than ever, and his auburn hair, which has grown longer during the time of the fall, had turned now into a stronger shade of red. Nothing especially remarkable, then. But his eyes... The first time he noticed them, seeing his own reflection in a dark puddle in that same cave, he screamed in horror. His amber irises had turned into a golden yellow colour, and his pupils were oblong like those of a snake, as an eternal reminder of his now monstrous nature.

It took many years for Crowley to finally accept that transformation. He hated that eyes for a long time, refusing to look at them or to even let others to do it, as they were a continuous testimony of what he had lost and what he had become now. Even centuries and centuries later, he kept hiding his eyes from the world with the help of his sunglasses.

And, despite everything, that wasn't the worst either. The Fall, the trauma, the eyes… he could get over it. Even the severed wings, with time, had grown again as his demonic power increased, his new feathers now having a lustrous black colour that didn’t bother him. The worst part was, above all, that he had lost Aziraphale.

As he got used to his new condition, as well as his new life in Hell, he had discovered that he and his fallen companions had been all forgotten, their names erased from the memory of all beings. As a part of their punishment, any reminiscence of them had disappeared, as if they had never existed. They were doomed to remember their Fall, without anyone, however, to remember them. And that, for Crowley, was the worst of the penances he could suffer.

Despite his promise, Aziraphale has forgotten him.

***************************

The angel had tried to resist with all his strengths, repeating the forbidden name in his mind, over and over, desperately holding on to his own memories. But nobody had the power to resist that imposed oblivion, and finally any remnant of the archangel’s existence vanished from his mind. The last image he could remember, before disappearing definitively, was a blurry silhouette with iridescent wings, and although he was no longer able to distinguish the features of his face, he could notice for a moment his white smile as he sat beside him without asking for permission.

Then the image faded away, and Aziraphale shook his head as if he had just woken up from a bad dream. A strange feeling in his chest told him that something was wrong, but he couldn't remember what could be.

***************************

It's hard to try to keep a promise for someone who can't remember it, but Crowley did.

It took him a while to come back to Aziraphale, especially since he didn't know how to do it. But he finally found his chance. By then, things had changed. A new planet had been created. A vast expanse of land, imitating the heavenly gardens, and there, the new creations of the Almitghty lived in peace. Aziraphale had been promoted to guardian of the Eastern Gate.

Crowley knew that the angel no longer remembered him, and just thinking about it was a new string of pain on his throat, but maybe it was better that way. Yes, it was definitely better that Aziraphale never remembered who he had been, since he would never be the same again. Now he was a demon, and will be a demon forever, and nobody could change that. Moreover, the angel had suffered enough, although he didn’t know it anymore, and wouldn’t be fair to remind him the cause.

So that, when the Hell headquarters sent him to the Earth to mess things up, he accepted without hesitation. Actually, all the apple issue even seemed like a poetic revenge: granting humans the same ability to question that, for better or worse, would set them free.

Having accomplished his mission, he contemplated the chaos he had created and sighed. Then he quietly approached the angel, getting rid of his snake shape and exposing for the first time his demonic appearance before his former companion.

-Well, that went down like a lead balloon –he said, admitting to himself that introductions had never been his better skill.

As expected, Aziraphale did not remember him. But it didn't matter. Crowley had returned to him, as promised, and he had no intention of going anywhere else.


	2. Save me

It was two hours before dawn, and Crowley was walking in circles by his flat, trying to understand why he was feeling so agitated. He normally enjoyed sleeping, even not needing it, but now he had not dared to sleep for several nights. Recently, nightmares had become recurring, and he wasn't used to it. In his dreams, he was experiencing repeatedly the moment of his Fall, or found himself trying to reach Aziraphale along the centuries, without being able to tell him the truth. That bothered him especially. He hated feeling weak, and every time he woke up from those nightmares, he felt his body sweating and tears almost appearing in his eyes.

He couldn't understand why now. It has been a few weeks since the Apocalypse-That-Wasn’t. He and Aziraphale had managed to escape from their respective sides, they stopped the end of that world that they loved so much and, in perspective, life was worth living. So, why those nightmares?

He sat beside his desk and closed his eyes for a moment. He needed to calm down. Nightmares were not rational. There was nothing to worry about. He couldn't continue this way, seeing ghosts everywhere… But that night was especially disturbing, and soon he opened his eyes again, aware that the feeling that has been torturing him for days now was becoming an increasing sensation of danger. His supernatural senses were warning him about something. Now it was clear.

Crowley crossed the room in a long stride and looked out the window. The Bentley was parked right in front the building, and the streets were quiet in those strange hours before dawn, but now he could feel it in the air. Something was about to happen.

Without hesitation, he picked up the phone and called Aziraphale. The angel didn’t sleep, usually, so he should be awake in the tiny apartment above the bookshop. The phone rang for a while with nobody answering, and Crowley was starting to get nervous. Finally, he sighed in relief when he heard the angel’s voice.

-Hello?

-Are you alright? –Crowley hissed to the telephone, almost interrupting him.

-Crowley? Well, yes, I’m fine… What time is it? Is there anything wrong, my dear?

-I don’t know yet. Hard to explain, angel, but stay where you are. I’ll be on the bookshop in a few minutes.

-Oh… Fine. I’ll wait here.

In just seconds, Crowley was sitting on the Bentley and driving like a maniac through the streets that separated his flat from the bookshop.

***************************

A few minutes later, the floor of the bookstore was covered in pieces of broken glass and scattered books.

Aziraphale had recognised immediately the irradiating majesty that invaded the room, as he rushed under the table to avoid the explosion of broken glass. He had no idea how Crowley could have sensed what was going to happen, but he was right.

Heaven was there, and one thing was clear: it wasn’t a social visit.

-Where are you hiding, Aziraphale? –shouted a voice.

Four archangels were standing inside the bookshop, wings spread and weapons in their hands. Michael, Uriel, Gabriel and Sandalphon. The angel had never seem them in all the splendour of their divine wrath. There was no time for tricks. He took a deep breath and left his shelter.

-I wish I could say it's a pleasure to see you –he said.

-Silence! –Uriel raised her sword and pointed it to the angel.

-Aziraphale, we are here to take you back to Heaven, where you will be finally judged for treason –announced Gabriel. There was no sign of his usual forced smile, and Aziraphale couldn't determine if that was a good or bad sign.

-Again? Oh, I mean… What am I accused of?

-You and your nasty demon boyfriend escaped from the first trial –Sandalphon grimaced, showing the repulsive adornment of his teeth-. But you won’t be so lucky this time.

-We have prepared something different for you –Michael added.

Aziraphale stepped back as the archangels started to surround him. He had no escape this time. He had to let them take him before Crowley arrived, or else they would kill him. At least, he thought, they didn’t seem to know anything about their body swap. That gave him a little spark of hope.

Suddenly the doors of the bookshop slammed and Crowley rushed inside.

-Angel! –he shouted.

With a contortion of rage on his face, Sandalphon launched himself over the demon, wielding his sword. Crowley just dodged his furious attack, but then he saw the other archangels surrounding Aziraphale, and ran towards them.

A snap on Gabriel’s fingers trapped Crowley in the air and threw him to the floor, immobile.

-What an unexpected pleasure –the archangel said, approaching to the demon, who was struggling against his own body to move-. We came here for an angel, and we will return with an angel and a demon.

-No! Leave him alone! –Aziraphale begged-. You came for me; he’s nothing to do with this!

But Gabriel just smiled, as enjoying to watch the angel’s distress. With another snap of his fingers, all of them disappeared, and the bookshop remained silent and empty.

***************************

The room was white, large and vast, and through the windows and the glass ceiling, the light of dawn painted the clouds in red and amber. A crowd of angels was gathering inside, expectantly. In the middle of the room, a high and long platform was raised, ending on the massive frame of an empty portal.

An angel and a demon were standing on the platform, their hands tied up and surrounded by four archangels. One of them was reading something that seemed like an invocation.

-This is going to be great –said Gabriel, again with the fake smile on his face.

-What are you doing? What is this? –Aziraphale asked anxiously, but nobody answered him, and he turned to Crowley.

-Nothing good, angel.

-Are they going to kill us with that thing?

Crowley could imagine what that was giant structure, although it has changed a lot since the old times. He hesitated for a moment before answering.

-No. Not killing. They’re going to make us _fall_.

The angel’s face paled, and a wave of horror shook his whole body.

-What? No! No! They can’t! –his voice broke for a brief moment-. It is not possible. We did nothing to deserve this!

-I already fell once, don’t forget that –hissed the demon, but stopped when he saw the desperate expression of his friend-. But trust me, angel. I won’t let that happen to you.

Michael finished her invocation, and a pale light radiated through the empty portal. A light that spread throughout the entire frame, covering it like a mirror before fading away. And then, where there had been light, the portal opened, giving way to a dense darkness that seemed to breathe on its own, like a huge and terrible living horror.

Aziraphale looked at Crowley with a deep fear on his blue eyes. The demon felt grateful to wear still his sunglasses, hiding the torrent of emotions that was reflected in his eyes. He did not expect to face the abyss again, even less seeing Aziraphale do the same. He had promised the angel that he would not let him fall, and a plan was beginning to draw on his head, but the horror of the eternal void froze his blood and mind for a moment.

The sword on Michael’s hand lighted up in flames. She was ready for the ritual again. Gabriel cleared his throat and looked at the prisoners, enjoying himself as seeing the expression in Aziraphale’s face. Then he started.

-Principality Aziraphale, former guardian of the Eastern Gate, you stand accused for treason against Heaven. You have been found guilty of conspiring against the Great Plan, stopping our celestial armies and fraternising with the Adversary. We sentence you to fall as punishment for your crimes. You will be banished from Heaven, your name will be erased from the Creation, and you will join the legions of the damned for all eternity.

-Anything to say before we execute the sentence? –said Michael.

The angel gasped, trying his best to keep up an appearance of composure. He glanced to the demon beside him, and his eyes got wet without being able to control it. But Crowley, instead, wasn’t looking at him.

-Uh, actually, I have something important to say –the demon stepped forward suddenly, offering the audience his most charming smile.

-You’re not allowed to speak here, demon –Uriel shouted.

-Yeah. Whatever. Better listen to me for a moment, before you disgrace yourselves -Crowley continued moving until he placed himself in front of the archangels, that were staring at him in a confused silence-. There are a few things that you haven’t kept into account and you need to know.

-Speak quickly, then –Michael conceded-, or you will be the first to cross that bloody portal.

-First of all, since a funny season in hell awaits us, I wouldn’t like to go with a burden on my conscience. So, I would like to confess that the angel Aziraphale is innocent of every crime, since for all this time he has been manipulated by me. But don’t believe me if you don’t want to. The thing is… are you sure you want to condemn an innocent angel? What would the Almighty think about that? Because, based on my previous experience, making an angel fall requires a direct authorisation from… hmm... the highest authorities, and as far as I know, you have decided it by your own. I don’t even feel the Almighty’s presence anywhere here, and believe me… It was there, when I fell. Everybody could feel it. Remember, Michael?

There was an awkward silence between the four archangels. Even Michael, who was clutching her sword with impatience, seemed to doubt for a moment.

-Don’t listen to him –Gabriel said-. I’ve seen his game before. He’s a troublemaker.

-I am. But also I’m right. And if there is something I know for sure, it is that the Almighty has a preference to punish those who tend to think and behave by their own. So, I wouldn’t recommend you to act without a formal authorisation. Hell and History are full of people who did the same and didn’t end well.

Although his hands were firmly tied and he could feel the tension of his own body, Crowley strutted around the platform as he was just talking to a group of old friends. The archangels were sharing anxious looks to each other, and the demon continued his speech, raising his voice, so the rest of the angels gathering under the platform could hear.

-So, here is the dilemma: you are deciding, by your own and without permission, to punish an angel because he apparently did a few things by his own and without permission. Would you take this angel, that actually did not have the opportunity to choose because he was manipulated and deceived, and punish him for –hypothetically- having done the same exact thing that you are about to do?

Crowley looked at the group of archangels over his sunglasses, and gave them a mischievous smile. Michael had definitely lowered her sword; Sandalphon was blinking in confusion, and Uriel and Gabriel were showing concerned expression on their faces.

-Free will sucks, huh? –laughed the demon.

-Enough –Michael finally said, looking at her partners-. He is right. This is mostly irregular. I will have to consult it properly before we make the final decision. Meanwhile, the angel will return to his cell.

-I can’t believe you’re following the advice of a demon! –Gabriel exclaimed.

-I supported your idea, but I won’t risk my own position for making a bad choice –was her reply.

Gabriel turned to Crowley, his eyes full of anger and frustration.

-This is _your_ fault, demon, and don’t even think that you will get out of here. You’re already a fallen angel, and nobody will care if you do it again. I’m sure your friends down there can’t wait to put their hands on you.

The demon smiled, just for the pleasure to piss him off. Furious, Gabriel punched him to the ground.

-Crowley! –Aziraphale exclaimed-. Please, please, Gabriel, don’t…

-Shut up! –the archangel shouted-. Let’s finish the job with this one.

-No! Please, no! Crowley!

Ignoring the angel, Gabriel violently pulled Crowley to his knees. The sunglasses were now on the floor, and the golden snake eyes of the demon were confronting him. The archangel grimaced with disdain and traced a rapid movement with his hands. Immediately, Crowley growled as the back of his jacket was slightly torn and his black wings appeared to this plane of existence, summoned against his will.

-Michael! Do the honours now –Gabriel commanded. Crowley could hear Aziraphale crying and begging for him. Michael approached, and the demon looked at her directly.

-Please –he said, now in a softer voice-. Send the angel home. If the Almighty finally decides to punish him, there will be nowhere for him to run. Meanwhile, this is an unnecessary cruelty.

Michael stared at him, genuinely surprised by the demon’s attitude. The serpentine eyes were fixed on her, now filled with a real sadness. After a short hesitation, she nodded.

-Free the angel –she asked to Uriel-. Aziraphale, you’re free to go… for now.

Uriel snapped away the ropes on the angel’s wrists. Before anyone could react, Aziraphale ran towards Crowley and threw himself against the demon, wrapping him in his arms.

-Why did you do that? –he cried, burying his face between Crowley’s neck and shoulder-. I thought you were going to save both of us.

-I couldn’t. I’m sorry –the demon whispered gently on his ear.

Uriel and Sandalfon were approaching to separate them. The situation was painfully familiar to Crowley, almost unbearable, as he was the only one that could remember it. Trying to hide all the overwhelming emotions from his face, he leaned his head against the angel’s, and he did the only thing he could do.

-Please –he gasped-, please, remember me.

His words hit Aziraphale like a lightning, while the two archangels dragged him away from Crowley. This time the angel couldn’t even speak, because something was breaking and shattering inside him. His wide blue eyes were fixed on his friend, completely in shock.

Michael stood close to the demon. With a gesture of her fingers, the ropes that tied Crowley’s hands vanished, in a last sign of compassion before the end. Then she raised the sword.

-It will be a clean hit –she promised.

-As in the old times –Crowley mumbled, and closed his eyes.

Two black wings fell on the ground. Just one single scream this time. When Michael and Gabriel got the demon on his feet for the final blow, he was barely conscious.

Now, it was Aziraphale who had started shouting desperately, while Uriel and Sandalphon grabbed him tightly.

The final blow came quickly, and the demon fell back into the portal, without any sound coming from his mouth. Darkness swallowed him, and Aziraphale, between his tears, saw him disappear into the void.

He was gone.

***************************

Aziraphale screamed with all his strengths, a wild and terrible yell coming from the depths of his throat, while his body trembled in anger and pain.

He had lost Crowley forever. What they had done to him was even worst than killing him.

And he had been there, just watching and crying without doing nothing to help him.

The two archangels that held him heard a rustle, as if something was tearing, and looked at the angel, but they didn’t have much time to react. A sudden explosion threw them out, as well as Michael and Gabriel, as Aziraphale’s white wings emerged with a violent flash of light. Now his body was irradiating energy, covered in the golden glow of his angelic power.

He flapped his wings and, without thinking twice, plunged into the portal, piercing the dense darkness like a bullet.

***************************

Aziraphale was crossing the void at full speed, despite the stabbing pain that shook every fibre of his whole being. Flashes of light tinkled on his head, and strange images passed before his eyes, too fast to identify them, but he found them vaguely familiar. He couldn’t have imagined a pain like this in his entire life, but not even the most excruciating of agonies could prevent him for finding Crowley. His eyes desperately looked in every direction, trying to find any sign of the demon.

And he finally saw him, falling lifelessly through the darkness. Aziraphale accelerated his own fall until his ears buzzed painfully and he felt all his bones about to break. His hand desperately tried to grab something else than the thick flows of air between them. With a crackling pain in his voice, he urged his friend to take his hand, but Crowley didn’t seem to hear him.

Aziraphale called him again, trying to fall even faster, struggling to reach Crowley without success. His whole body was aching so much that he thought he wouldn’t resist it.

-Please, Crowley! Take my hand!

This time, the demon’s head turned to him, although there was a blank, empty stare on his golden eyes, and he raised his hand towards him. Although still separated by the strong airflows that surrounded their fall, Aziraphale was almost touching his friend’s fingertips.

With a final effort that made him scream in pain again, the angel finally caught his hand.

-I got you! –he gasped.

His hands pulled Crowley’s arm until he finally managed to hold him again his chest. Then, the demon did something unexpected, and weakly wrapped his arms around Aziraphale’s neck. The angel flapped his wings again, trying to slow down the speed of the fall, but his friend’s reaction caught him by surprise. The serpentine irises met the blue ones, which were wet and reddish by the effort and the pressure, and Crowley used his last remaining energies to kiss the angel briefly. Then, the demon’s eyes rolled back into his head and closed, and his body went limp in Aziraphale’s arms.

Aziraphale, although completely in shock, still managed to stop the fall until they were just floating on the void. The vertiginous buzz on his ears had stopped, too, and the only thing that could be heard in the abyss was now the soft flutter of his wings. He allowed himself to sigh in relief as he felt the ache decreasing. Then he turned his attention to the demon who he was holding tightly against his chest, carefully lifting his loose head so he could look at him. Crowley was pale and still, but the slight -almost imperceptible- shivers that occasionally shook his body evidenced that he was alive, and possibly in pain.

The angel was still stunned by what Crowley had just done, and thinking about it turned his mind into a rollercoaster of emotions and vague memories, but it wasn't the time for that. He had to get his friend out of that atrocious void, and he didn't know how much longer the portal would be open. With one last look to the demon, he firmly accommodated him in his arms, and his wings struck the darkness that surrounded them. A determined expression lit the angel’s face, as he started to fly his way back.

***************************

-Close the portal –Gabriel said.

It had taken them a while to recover from the shock and the physical impact after Aziraphale’s sudden burst of power. At the base of the platform, the crowd of angels murmured and whispered, still amazed by what they had seen. An angel had just plunged without hesitation into the void of oblivion, by his own decision, to follow a fallen angel, a demon. It has been like witnessing a suicide, and most of their emotions moved between horror and compassion.

Michael finished the invocation to close the portal. The light ran around the doorframe, but nothing seemed to happen. She looked at her partners, slightly confused.

-Maybe it takes some time –she speculated-. Anyway, there is no chance of someone getting out of there.

-Just in case –Gabriel answered-. The sooner it closes, the sooner we can forget about those two bastards.

A sudden flash of golden light shone in the darkness of the portal. Then, a buzz and a bang, and two silhouettes, one in light colours and one dark, materialised in the room between the sounds of wings beating the air. An amazed clamour ran through the crowd.

An angel, wings majestically spread, was floating above them, carrying a demon in his arms.

The portal finally closed, as if it had been waiting only for them.

The angel’s blue, almost transparent eyes stared at the stunned multitude. A spark of anger flashed in his gaze as it stopped at the group of archangels, but he did not pay more attention to them. He looked up at the glass ceiling of the room, and took flight again, increasing the speed as he approached.

A crash sounded, and the angel flew through the rain of broken glass without slowing down. His silhouette moved away, with his precious burden firmly pressed against him, until they were only a distant point in the blue sky, and finally disappeared out of sight.

The room was completely quiet now, until Uriel finally broke the silence with a startled voice.

-I can’t believe it.

-They didn’t fall…

-Michael mumbled, and then she turned to Gabriel, eyes wide open, and repeated:- They didn’t fall! You know what that means, don’t you?

Against his will, Gabriel nodded. Now it was clear. He couldn't do anything against them anymore.

***************************

While sliding at full speed through the clouds, Aziraphale smiled to himself as he remembered the bewildered expressions on the archangels’ faces. Never, in his entire life, had he felt as audacious as he was in that moment.

He only wished Crowley had been awake to see that.


	3. Somebody to love

The angel landed in front of the bookshop’s doors, which opened wide for him.

He no longer cared about the mess inside; he didn't even notice it as he was taking Crowley upstairs as fast as he could. Upon entering the bedroom, he finally folded his wings, making them disappear to move more comfortably. Carefully, he laid Crowley on the bed and stared at him for a few seconds, searching for any reaction on his face, but he remained unresponsive. Aziraphale removed the demon’s boots and jacket, trying to move him as little as possible, and sat beside him on the bed. Slowly, he unbuttoned his friend’s shirt to examine his injuries, and again rage and sadness gripped his throat.

The flesh surrounding the wound in Crowley’s chest was covered in burns because of the flaming blade, but at least it had saved him from a fatal bleeding. Near the recent wound, Aziraphale could notice a very similar pale scar, and his eyes filled with tears as he recalled that it was not the first time his dear friend suffered that punishment. Suddenly overwhelmed by both sadness and tenderness, he gently stroke the scar on the demon’s chest for a brief moment, and then took Crowley’s still hand and squeezed it with deep affection.

-You’re safe now, my dear. I will never let them hurt you again –he whispered.

As he couldn’t miracle away a wound made by a blessed flaming sword, he concentrated on cleaning it with the utmost care. Once it was treated and bandaged, and always with extreme caution, he rolled Crowley slightly to his side, so he could examine the damage on his back. He shook in anguish as the sight of those burnt stumps where the demon’s magnificent black wings had been. Even unconscious, Crowley shuddered in pain when the angel touched his back, and a soft moan escaped from his lips. Aziraphale tried his best to calm down and continued with his work, although the tremor of his hands could still be noticed.

***************************

The angel was sitting beside the bed without moving, just watching over his friend’s sleep and listening to the soft rhythm of his breath. Now that things had calmed down and they were finally safe, Aziraphale’s mind couldn’t stop wandering, and it was producing a twitchy feeling in his stomach.

He couldn't stop thinking about everything that had happened in a just a few hours, but now the fear, the adrenaline and his concern for Crowley were giving way to other sensations that he didn’t know how to identify. The last words his friend had said before the fall were resonating in his ears and swirling around his head again and again: “_Please, remember me_”. It had been his farewell in a moment of despair, but there was much more inside those words. Something that had hit Aziraphale’s heart with an overwhelming feeling.

He tried to clear his mind, but his thoughts seemed a vague nebula, mixing and wandering, and shaken by brief flashes of memory... Blurry, uncertain images were crossing before his eyes. They had started to appear during the fall, and he thought they would surely be the effect of the extreme pain he was experiencing. But now… Now not only they had not disappeared, but even they were returning to him with renewed familiarity.

In the foggy corners of his own mind, he saw for a moment a pair of golden wings, with reflections that moved and changed in impossible colours. Who did they belong to? He had never seen anything so glorious, so beautiful. He frowned. If he had never seen those wings before, why did they seem so familiar? He couldn't identify the angel's silhouette, although he was trying as hard as he could.

And suddenly, emerging from the mist of his memory, a smile. He couldn’t see the face, but he could recognise that smile anywhere: thin lips, curved in an expression between incredulity and hilarity, showing a row of white, perfect, maybe slightly pointed teeth. A smile that, although he would never recognise it aloud, cut off his breath and made him melt every time he saw it.

Crowley!

Aziraphale flinched instinctively and looked around, confused. His heart was beating violently, and he felt embarrassed of his own reaction. He shook his head, trying again to clear his mind and push away all the strange sensations that were overwhelming him. The angel took a deep breath, then another, until he started to feel better. He didn't know what was happening to him, why was he feeling so anxious, but it wasn't the time to go crazy.

When he turned to check Crowley, he found two golden irises fixed on him.

***************************

-How do you feel, my dear? –Aziraphale was leaning over him, both concern and relief reflected in his glance.

Crowley seemed a bit dazed at first, but his pupils closely followed each of the angel’s movements, as if trying to convince himself that he was real.

-‘s not my first fall –he said, not willing to admit that the real answer was “awful”-. I’m getting used to it.

Aziraphale smiled briefly. He had always liked the demon’s dark sense of humour, even if he didn’t share it at all. It was a good sign. The angel had been worried about how Crowley would be after such a traumatic experience, but he seemed much to be himself.

-I’m so glad you’re awake –he finally said.

-How long I’ve been out?

-A few hours. You needed to rest. Still need it, actually, but you will get well.

He affectionately stroke the demon’s cheek with his thumb. But Crowley didn’t even seem to notice. He eyes continued fixed on the angel, and his expression was now unusually concerned.

-What happened there, angel? –he asked with a soft voice-. Did you really _fell _with me?

-Oh… well, not exactly. I jumped after you, yes. But as soon as I reached you, we flew back to the exit. I wouldn’t call it _the_ official Fall.

Crowley frowned, but his anxious look didn’t disappear.

-“Flew back”? Do you mean that you just stopped falling and came back? How can it be possible?

-It is what happened. I wish I could explain it better, my dear, but I don’t know how. I just did it.

-So… you didn’t… _change_? Are you still an angel? You never…

-Still an angel, yes –Aziraphale smiled.

Crowley sighed in relief, the expression on his face finally softening.

-I think I could never forgive myself if you fell because of me.

-Oh, Crowley! Don’t say such a thing. You can't blame yourself for anything. It was my own decision, not yours. And, anyway, everything ended well. There is nothing to worry about.

-It was the bravest and the most stupid thing that you have ever done –Crowley replied.

-Well, I could say the same about you –protested the angel, although the comment had made him laugh.

-Thank you –the demon finally said-. For saving me. For everything.

Crowley looked so deeply moved, and there was such an intense emotion in his eyes, that Aziraphale could almost feel his own heart breaking. He noticed again the lump in his throat when he tried to speak.

-No need for that. Just try to rest a little more.

The angel got up, ready to leave the room and let him rest, but Crowley's hand was clutching his sleeve. Aziraphale stared at him again. The demon’s lips were parted, as if he was about to say something, but the words seemed stuck inside him. His eyes, wide open, were moving nervously as if they were trying to find a key on Aziraphale’s face.

There were many things that Crowley wanted to say. The urgency was so strong that he even wanted to scream. But he couldn’t. He had buried too many memories, too many unsaid words in the silence. Now, the silence was so thunderous that he couldn't stand it, but he couldn't escape it either. The only thing that came out of his mouth was a broken voice, a plea that contained all the pain of that silence.

-Please, stay.

Aziraphale nodded immediately without a word. He sat again beside the bed, an infinite fondness in his pale blue eyes, and his fingers ran through Crowley’s reddish hair, in an attempt to comfort him with a silent caress. Crowley sighed and his eyelids closed, although his hand was still squeezing the angel’s sleeve. After a few minutes, he had fallen asleep under the gentle touch on his hair, and the tortured expression of his face was finally relaxed.

The angel didn’t stop his caresses. He was wishing with his whole heart that he could do something to make Crowley feel better. His anguish was aching. Being so close to him was aching. Aziraphale could also feel the weight of a silence that was killing them both. But he didn't know how to break it. As an angel, he was made to love and care for all living beings, but the feelings that Crowley always produced on him were so intense that made him afraid of himself. It was an impulse to follow him to hell itself if necessary -he had almost done it-. It was a physical need to be by his side, to touch him, to hear his voice. A feeling like something burning inside him when seeing _his_ smile.

For years, maybe centuries, he had considered that feeling as pleasant as it was dangerous. And that scared him more than he dared to confess. But now, after the things he had done, he knew that he shouldn’t be afraid anymore. He even had been ready to fall, but, in fact, he didn’t. That couldn’t be so bad, then.

Aziraphale leaned over Crowley and kissed his forehead. His fingers explored the demon’s beautiful face, the sharp lines of his cheekbones and his jaw. The angel felt a soft warm on his chest and under his skin. That couldn’t be so bad, he repeated to himself.

Although he knew Crowley couldn't hear him, the words finally escaped from his mouth.

-I love you.

At that moment, memories struck him again, so hard that his eyes widened and a sudden spasm shook his body. An unstoppable torrent of memories and images long forgotten suddenly overflowed all the barriers of his mind.

And then, with a gasp, he remembered.

***************************

The kettle in the kitchen was whistling. With an automatic movement, Aziraphale put out the fire. There was an empty mug waiting for the hot water, but the angel forgot to pour it and sat again on the chair with a blank stare on his eyes.

He had been crying. At first, when the flood of memories came to his mind, he had only remained in a mute shock for several minutes. Each image was a sting piercing his heart.

The garden. The archangel. The rising stars. The fall. The kiss. His voice begging: “Please, remember me”. His promise: “I will do whatever it takes to get back to you”. His name. Raphael… Crowley…

After that, he had left the room and had ran downstairs, with violent sobs shaking his body. He had cried at the bottom of the stairs until his eyes were aching and dry. He was feeling different and contradictory emotions, but all were equally painful. He couldn't understand why Crowley had never told him the truth, and that made him feel betrayed. But at the same time, he remembered the archangel’s promise and his heart broke. Raphael… or Crowley… had told him that he would always be by his side. That he would always come back to him. And he did it. Crowley had kept his promise the whole time.

Now, sitting in the kitchen with all his recovered memories assaulting his mind, Aziraphale was struggling to keep his crying at bay while his feelings for Crowley were at the same time stronger and more confusing than ever.

Then, he heard a voice behind him.

-Aziraphale? What are you doing here?

Crowley was leaning on the doorframe, a hand pressed against the bandages on his chest that were revealed under his open shirt. He approached slowly, trying to keep a firm appearance despite he was still weak and exhausted.

-You should be sleeping –the angel replied, without looking at him.

-I woke up and didn’t find you. I just wanted to know if you’re alright.

Aziraphale remained seated on his chair, without moving or answering. He dared not even look at the demon, afraid that anger, pain or even love prevented him from thinking with perspective.

-Angel, tell me. What happens? –Crowley insisted.

He was now so close, with one hand extended towards him. Aziraphale jumped to his feet, avoiding his contact, and crossed the kitchen to get away from him. Crowley looked at him with a perplexed expression. He was about to ask again what happened, but before he could do it, the angel finally burst in anguish.

-_You_ happen! Everything is because of you! How… How could you…?

-How could I, what? What have I done?

-You lied to me! You’ve been lying to me all this time!

-What the hell… heaven… whatever? I’ve never lied to you. What are you talking about?

-You know you did it –the angel turned to him, a flash of pain on his eyes-. You’ve been lying to me since the beginning. How could you? I trusted you! I loved you… Raphael!

That name seemed to hit Crowley like a punch in the stomach. His eyes widened, and the hand he still held against his chest twitched. He remained silent for a long moment, his lips parted in a gesture of painful bewilderment. Aziraphale looked at him, his eyes fighting back tears of rage.

-That's not my name –Crowley finally said.

-It was! Don’t you dare to lie to me again!

-It was a long time ago. Not anymore. Listen, angel –he approached a few steps-. I…

-No! –Aziraphale cried, and the demon stopped-. Stay away! I remember everything now. I’ve always wondered why you cared so much for me. What I liked most about you was how generous and kind you could be even without knowing me, and now I understand that you already knew me and that you did everything for yourself, you selfish liar!

-I did EVERYTHING for you! –the demon hissed-. Everything, including hiding who I was, I did it for you. Don’t you understand…?

He walked towards the angel again and took him by his elbow in an attempt to reassure him, but the touch seemed to burn Aziraphale, who jerked away, his arm pushing Crowley away from him.

-Don’t touch me!

The impulse made Crowley lose his balance. Still weak, his legs failed, and he fell to the ground with a lax thud and a gasp. Aziraphale turned to the sound and found him curled on the floor with a painful expression on his face, a hand still pressed against the wound on his chest. He felt immediately horrified by his rage burst and rushed to kneel beside his friend.

-Oh, Crowley… I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean to hurt you… Please, forgive me.

-‘s ok, angel –he mumbled-. Don’t worry. Not your fault.

Crowley sat up slowly, helped by Aziraphale. The angel was trembling slightly, his eyes full of sorrow and anxiety, and now was the demon who tried to comfort him, his long fingers stroking his face with unexpected softness.

-I’m sorry for not telling you the truth, Aziraphale –he whispered-. I wanted to do it many times, but it wasn’t easy. You couldn’t even remind me. I didn’t know if you would believe me. And even if you would, I was no longer the same. Not the one you used to know.

-You could have tried, at least! We became friends although you were a demon.

-And look how long it took you to admit our friendship aloud. How could I tell you that, even if you didn't remember, the first friend you had, the first person you cared about, was a fallen angel? That would have destroyed you, and you had suffered enough because of me. I was trying to protect you. I’ve always tried.

-And yet you kept your promise. You came back to me.

Crowley nodded, and a sad smile crossed his face for a moment.

-Maybe I’m a demon, but I try to keep my promises.

Now Aziraphale’s anger seemed to had vanished, and he was staring at the demon with a deep emotion in his eyes. Crowley had never spoken to him in such a soft way, but there he was, showing him his most vulnerable side for the first time. At least, since he was a demon. And then, also for the first time, it was Aziraphale who took the initiative. He leaned over Crowley, his fingertips timidly touching his face, and kissed him.

Crowley received the contact on his lips and kissed him back for a few seconds, but then he placed a hand on Aziraphale’s chest and gently pushed him away.

-You don’t have to do that –he whispered.

-What? What do you mean? –the angel looked at him, confused.

-I’m not the same person you used to love, Aziraphale. I’m not Raphael anymore, and I will never be.

-You’re still the same person, Crowley. Angel or demon, it doesn’t matter.

-It does. You loved me when I was an angel, and the angel is gone. I am nothing but the dark side of what you once loved. You’d never have done this before knowing who I was. I’m sorry, but I can’t give you what you want. I wish I could.

Aziraphale’s expression seemed both stunned and hurt, and the demon looked away, completely broken. He never expected the angel’s reaction, who cupped Crowley’s face in his hands and lifted it with a soft determination.

-Now listen to me, you stupid demon –he said exasperatedly-. Do you _really _think I’m just kissing you because I’m nostalgic of something that I couldn’t recall until hours ago? I loved you when you were an angel, yes, but I would love you even being a demon, an angel, or a bloody duck. I fell in love with you _centuries_ ago, not knowing that I had done it before. Crowley, for God’s sake, I threw myself into the abyss for you. I would have come to rescue you from hell if necessary. Why do you think I did it, you idiot? Because I love you. I want you. Whatever you are, I don’t care. I love you.

Crowley opened his mouth, but no sound came out of it. He just looked at the angel for a moment, lips parted and eyes wide, until he finally managed to speak.

-Say it again –he said.

But the angel just kissed him again, and this time he found no opposition, while Crowley's arms held him closer against his body.

***************************

A soft rain was tapping the recently repaired windows of the bookshop. The owner had already hanged the closed sign on the door, and with a sigh of satisfaction after a long pleasant day, he went to the shop’s back room. Inside, a red headed demon in sunglasses was pouring wine in two cups. He handed one of them to the angel and leaned back on the couch, stretching his long legs. Aziraphale smiled, took a sip of wine and sat beside him.

His fingers briefly ran down the opening of Crowley's new black shirt, under which his bandages could still be noticed.

-How are you doing today, my dear? –he asked.

-Much better. ‘s healing fast.

-And… the wings?

Crowley shrugged his shoulders, trying to keep his relaxed expression, although a brief note of sadness could be felt in his voice.

-Sometimes it still hurts, but not so much anymore.

Aziraphale nodded. He knew that it was still hard for the demon to talk about it.

-I’m so sorry for what they did to you…

-Don’t look at me like that, angel. I'm fine. I’m here with you. This is the only thing that really matters.

-I know. I just wish I could do something…

Crowley took another sip of wine and got closer to the angel, looking at him over his dark sunglasses.

-You saved me –he said slowly-. I have you, we are alive, and we love each other. What do a pair of wings matter in comparison? If that’s the price I have to pay for being with you, I would pay it again as many times as necessary.

-Oh, Crowley… you absolutely know what to say –the angel smiled.

They looked at each other affectionately, and the demon raised his glass to the angel and they toasted. For a while they drank in silence, simply enjoying their mutual company. The sound of the rain rattled pleasantly in the distance.

-You know –Aziraphale finally said-, I’m quite sure that _this_ time, for a change, they will definitely leave us alone.

-Yup. You did a pretty badass thing up there, I have to say. I don't think they will bother us again.

-I just hope that your... well, your former side, has also decided to leave things as they are.

-Are you kidding? –Crowley chuckled-. For sure, they must be still flipping out with all the holy water stuff. And, besides –the demon had stood up with an amusing smile on his face, and swaggered around the room-, now I’m the Angel Who Fell Once-And-A-Half. I will be a legend, thanks to you. What kind of fool would dare to push their luck after that?

He winked through the glasses, and the angel burst out laughing.

-Yes, you’re probably right.

-Of course I am. Trust me, angel –Crowley put back his glass, now empty, on the tiny table beside him, and looked at his lover with a widened smile-. Well, I think we've been locked here for a long time because of me. What if I invite you to dinner? Wherever you want.

-Are you tempting me again, demon? –Aziraphale giggled.

-Obviously. That’s my favourite part of the job.

***************************

Aziraphale looked through the window. The rain outside didn’t really bother him, as he was in an excellent mood. He had the feeling that everything would be fine from now on, and he couldn't stop smiling at the thought of how his life and Crowley's had changed so much in such a short time. After all the experiences they had been through, he never imagined that he could be so happy.

He heard a vague noise upstairs and approached to the bookshop’s door, ready to go as soon as Crowley returned. The demon had gone upstairs just to pick up his jacket and the keys of the Bentley, but he was definitely taking his time. Aziraphale adjusted his bow tie and looked at the clock on the wall. It did not matter. He was too happy to bother about that.

Then, he heard a louder noise. A distant scream and the sound of a body falling to the ground. His blood froze.

-Crowley!

No answer. The angel rushed upstairs, his heart beating violently. He didn't know what was happening, but could feel an icy fear gripping his limbs. He ran to the bedroom, breathing heavily, but there seemed to be no sign of the demon. He was starting to panic as he looked around the room. Then, he found him, lying face down on the floor between the bedroom door and the bathroom. With a horrified exclamation, Aziraphale ran towards him.

-No, no, no, no! Crowley! Please, no!

He kneeled beside the demon and rolled him to his side, anxiously trying to see his face. Crowley groaned in pain and clenched his teeth, while Aziraphale carefully removed his sunglasses and looked into his eyes.

-Angel… -he gasped-. Something… something’s happening to me…

-What is it, my dear? How can I help?

-My... wings…

A trembling hand vaguely pointed to his back. The angel couldn’t see his wings, as they were hidden from the sight, but immediately put a hand on Crowley’ shoulder.

-Summon them. Let me see.

The demon groaned again and curled on himself, trying his best not to scream. His hands instinctively gripped Aziraphale’s coat.

-I can’t… It hurts too much…

-I know it hurts, my love, but I need to see what happens. Please, let me help you.

An agonizing scream escaped Crowley's lips, and his whole body convulsed for a moment. The angel put a hand under his head to prevent it from hitting the ground and stared at him in distress, feeling completely helpless. Those cries of pain were breaking his heart. Finally, the demon’s body stopped shaking, and he remained motionless. Aziraphale stroke his face, trying to comfort him. The serpentine eyes, exhausted and wet, struggled to focus on the angel.

Then, finally summoned, the wings appeared, and Aziraphale found himself out of breath and his heart stopped for a second.

Where the mutilated stumps had been, there was now a splendid pair of wings, perfectly grown and functional. The silky feathers seemed to have the same black colour as the demon’s former ones, but now... now there was something else. Golden and iridescent shades on them that softly reflected the lights of the room. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. The golden reflections brought back to him the memories of another era, before the beginning of time. There they were, Raphael's wings, now combined with Crowley's demonic nature. Tears came to his eyes, as he understood he was contemplating a miracle.

-How bad are they? –Crowley asked after a while, and his voice made the angel return to reality.

-You have to see that, my dear. Come –he helped the demon to get back on his feet, and gently took his arm to lead him to the mirror in the bathroom.

When Crowley stopped in front of the mirror, his entire body seemed to have frozen. Only his eyes were moving, running across the vision before him, as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Aziraphale, beside him, took his hand and smiled.

-You see? Magnificent, aren’t they?

-That’s… that’s impossible –Crowley gasped, his lips trembling slightly.

He looked away from the mirror and flexed his wings, so he could see them directly. He raised his free hand, and his long fingers caressed the soft feathers, fascinated. His other hand squeezed Aziraphale’s as looking for reassurance.

-They are real. It’s a miracle –said the angel, his pale blue eyes glowing in emotion.

A tear ran down Crowley’s face.

-How…? –he finally asked-. I’m a fallen angel. A demon. Unforgivable. I’ll always be. How it’s that even possible?

-You fell, my dear, that’s true, but look at all the good you've done since then. All the good you’ve done to me. You have loved and protected me since the beginning. You have saved my life hundreds of times. Moreover, you fell again just trying to save me. You even gave up your wings for love.

The angel’s hands were caressing again Crowley’s face, looking at the serpentine golden eyes with infinite tenderness. The demon wrapped his arms around Aziraphale’s waist, too moved and shocked to speak.

-I don't know what God's plans could be –Aziraphale continued-, but if this doesn't deserve a second chance, I don't know what could do, then.

-A second chance… -Crowley repeated in a whisper.

He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead on Aziraphale’s, with a deep sigh. His arms held the angel closer to his chest. Aziraphale wiped away another tear from Crowley’s eyes and briefly stroke the demon’s lips and the corner of his mouth. Both smiled at the contact of each other.

Then they kissed, and the black, iridescent wings wrapped them like an embrace, a silent promise of redemption floating in the air. 


End file.
